INT. ROOM – NIGHT
Police officers TED DIDLIO and JOHN S. TAMOS stand in a room
together looking over a file for JAYQUON DEEZY.
Jesus, this guy is one sick fuck,
They call him ‘The Fister’
Ted shakes his head.
Alright, lets do this.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT
RICK ANDERSON sits at a table. A beat passes before Ted and
John walk into the room.
Ted Thank God you guys are here.
There’s been a huge mistake.
No mistake here, Jayquon.
I don’t know who this Jayquon
person is. My name is Rick
Shut your fucking face, Deezy. Look
John holds up a photograph of the real Jayquon Deezy, who is
obviously not Rick.
You expect us to believe you’re not
Of course I’m not, look at him.
We are looking at him. Right now.
Ted and John just stare at Rick.
This guy stole my wallet and put
his ID in my car.
John pulls his wallet from his pocket and throws it in Ricks
Whoah, John, easy.
Don’t tell me ‘easy’, Ted! You saw
What the fuck!
Give me my wallet back.
Rick tries to hand John his wallet, but John smacks it out of
Fuck you, Deeezy!
Ted walks over and puts his hand on John’s shoulder.
Hey, you need to cool it man. We
don’t do things this way.
Ted walks behind Rick and starts giving him a shoulder
Don’t be scared, buckaroo. Nobody’s
gonna hurt you. You know it’s OK to
tell the truth…buddy.
But I’m not-
We know, we know. You want some
coffee? Yeah you do, I’ll go get
you some coffee.
Ted motions to John and the two exit the room. A moment
passes before they re-enter. Ted carries a cup of coffee
which he splashes in Rick’s face. Rick screams.
Tell us why you did it, Fister!
Whoa, whoa, man! What are you
Ted tries to get at Rick, but John pulls him away.
Put your shit on cool-aid, Ted!
This cunt knows more than he’s
telling us, John! He knows and he
I’m not The Fister!
Ted slams a sheet of paper on the table in front of Rick.
Then explain this, Deezy. Look at
this? Are you trying to tell us
that you did not make these
purchases? We ran your credit card.
300 dollars at Del Taco last night,
900 dollars of flesh-lights from
Amazon.com. Look at it!
I didn’t buy any of those thing!
Ted continues reading from the
Three pink dildos.
The collected works of Jane Austin,
6 pounds of cucumbers, four bottles
of nite-time cough syrup!
18 tubes of vagisil!
Ok, that was me, but-
Did you hear that? He confessed!
He’s The Fister!
Ted runs over and starts kicking Rick’s shoulder.
John grabs Ted and drags him away.
Damnit, Ted! They could have your
badge for that!
Ted fights to free himself from John’s grasp.
I’m cool! I’m cool.
John releases Ted. Ted straightens his shirt and composes
So why do they call you The Fister,
Nobody calls me that. You people
are the only ones who have ever
called me Fister in my life.
Ted lunges across the room and punches Rick in the face.
How’s that for a fist,
John grabs Ted once more and pulls him to the door.
You need to get out of here and
cool your jets, amigo!
Ted glares at Rick briefly before exiting the room. John
walks over to Rick and sits on the table next to him.
I’m sorry about my partner. He’s
Seriously I didn’t do any of the
things you’re saying I did. This
guy stole my ID, my credit cards…
I bet I know someone who’d like a
glass of water.
Rick stares at John.
I’ll get you some water.
John ruffles Rick’s hair before standing and exiting the
Rick sits silently for a few moments before John returns with
a dixie cup full of water, which he places on the table in
front of Rick. Rick looks at it for a moment, but before he
can reach for it, John violently flips to table over, grabs
Rick by the collar and shoves him against the wall.
You better start talking you cunt
faced little shit-stain, or so help
me God I will have you shitting
your ribs through your dick-hole!
The door swings open and Ted stands in the door-way, now
wearing a wrestling one-piece. Ted dramatically points at
You did it now, Jayquon.
You called the thunder!
No I didn’t!
Ted screams and charges Rick, raining blow after blow upon
him with outrageous fury. John runs over to the table and
flips it back onto its legs, then picks Rick up and body
slams him through it. Rick and John mercilessly batter Rick
for agonizing seconds.
Through the doorway walks JOE.
Didlio, S. Stamos, we need you in
room 4, now.
John and Ted cease beating Rick and walk to the door.
You’re fuckin’ lucky, Deezy.
We’ll be back, dip-shit
They leave Rick on the floor, lifeless.
INT. ROOM 4 – DAY
At the table sits JAYQUON DEEZY, across from him stand Ted
I swear I’m not the guy you’re
No? Cause your ID says different.
Ted holds up a photograph of Rick and points to it.
You mean to tell us that you are
not this man?