EXT. PARK - DAY A GERALD sits on a park bench as the sun pierces dimly through an overcast sky. THE DICKINATOR approaches him. GERALD Can I help yo- Gerald is cut off mid-sentence by The Dickinator's shooting of his dick with a gun. Blood spills from Gerald's crotch. He falls off of the bench and screams in agony. OPENING CREDITS EXT. PARK - DAY Gerald is still lying in front of the park bench. He rolls around and groans, soaked in blood. Detectives BACON and POOP stand over him. BACON The annihilation of this mans entire crotchial region is-is staggering in its magnitude. I mean, look at this. There's nothing. There's nothing left. It's ground beef. It's...it's catfood. POOP It's kinda fucked up, huh? BACON This poor SOB might as well slap on a pair a tits and start calling the entry wound a vagina, cause...his dick is...it's a write off. POOP Dicks don't grow back. BACON Dicks do not grow back. Bacon and Poop nod in concurrence. GERALD I can hear everything you're saying. I'm laying right here. This is me, laying three feet away from you, bleeding to death with no dick. Poop and Bacon remain unresponsive toward Gerald's pleas. BACON Get word to HQ, we need the meat wagon down here with a fresh body bag, stat. And tell em' I can't shake the feeling we're gonna go through quite a few of those today....the smell of dick-blood is in the air, getting stronger by the minute. Can ya feel it, Poop? There's a storm a-brewin'. GERALD What the fuck, guys?! EXT. STREETS - DAY MONTAGE - SLOW MOTION The Dickinator walks down a sidewalk, lighting his cigarette. He's wearing a brown leather jacket, aviator sunglasses and he has a mustache. Two hooligans, REGINOLD and PATRICK, smoking a joint in an alley-way look over as The Dickinator walks toward them. END MONTAGE THE DICKINATOR You fellas look like you got two too many dicks. REGINOLD Uhh.... PATRICK What? The Dickinator pulls his gat and blasts both these fools dicks off. They keel over, bleeding and crying in pain. The Dickinator eyes them both in disgust. He tosses his cigarette onto the ground and walks away. EXT. OFFICE - DAY Detective Bacon stands around eating a sandwich in an office. Poop enters the office. BACON Hey, Poop. POOP Hey, Bacon. There was a break on The Dickinator case. Bacon throws his sandwich across the room. BACON A BREAK ON THE DICKINATOR CASE?! POOP Yup. Apparently somebody witnessed the dick-shooting this morning. Central command wants us to go pick him up and take him in for questioning. BACON Sounds like a job for Bacon and Poop. POOP Word. Bacon and Poop perform a perfectly synchronized secret friendship hand-shake and a high-five. BACON Let's go find this witness, before someone else does. Someone with a much harsher disposition toward not shooting people's dicks off. POOP You're talking about that guy that shot that dudes dick off earlier? BACON The very same. POOP You think he knows someone saw him? BACON Listen to me, Poop, I've been on the job a lotta years and never have I seen something like this. Oh, sure, you get your random firearm inflicted de-dickifications from time to time. Husband cheats on a wife, she snaps, budda-bing, she shoots his dick off. Hippy college kid drops too many acids, takes off all his clothes, looks down, holy shit a snake! Budda-boom, and he shoots off his dick. Eight year old boy, finds his old man's .38; accidentally shoots his dick off, shoots his dads dick off, shoots his dogs dick off, I mean sometimes things just get outta hand. But those cases all made sense in their own way. There's a rhyme and a reason to em'. Our guy, running and gunning through the streets of our fair metropolis, iron-sights fixed to the dick of every man, woman and child in the city. He's a mad dog. A dog mad with a thirst. An unquenchable thirst for blood. The blood of dicks. POOP It's pretty fucked up. Bacon walks across the room and picks up the shattered remnants of what was once his ham sandwich. BACON I'm gonna finish this, then we can go. EXT. STREETS - DAY BOBOWL strolls down a side-walk. The Dickinator drives up and shoots his dick off and drives away. BOBOWL Shit! INT. CAR - DAY Bacon and Poop cruise down the road. They see Bobowl lying on the side-walk. EXT. STREETS - DAY Bacon and Poop rush out of their car to the fallen man on the sidewalk. They stop short of stepping into an ever growing pool of crotch-blood. Bacon looks down at the crotchless man with a pained expression. BACON This mother-fucker! He's always one dick ahead of me! I can't stop him, he's too smart. Every time I think I'm closing in, he shrivels away. BOBOWL Can one of you guys please call me an ambulance? Somebody shot my dick off, and I'm losing a lot of blood. BACON Another innocent's blood spilled on the streets. My streets! Another man's life ended before its time. BOBOWL I actually think I'll be OK if you get me to a hospital. BACON All hopes. All dreams of living a rich, happy life. A life abundant with still having a dick. All those dreams....now flowing in a crimson stream, seeping into the asphalt, and spilling into the sewers....like a tear....in the rain. BOBOWL What the fuck are you talking about? POOP Bacon, get a grip. I've been your partner for 18 years and we always get our perp. It's just a matter of time. BACON You're right, Poop. I let my emotions get the best of me. Let's go find this dick. A voice sounds from Poop's radio, he reaches into his car and grabs it. POOP What is it HQ? We've got another body, here. BOBOWL Ambulance? POOP Holy shit, Bacon. Someone's seen The Dickinator, we gotta roll! Poop and Bacon gaze at each others determined faces. They get into the car, clasp their hands together and peel out, never looking away from one and other. They leave Bowbowl for dead. EXT. STREETS - DAY Bacon and Poop's ride pulls up and stops in an empty lot. Bacon and Poop exit the vehicle and begin looking around. POOP This is where gunshots were reported. Bacon spies a shady looking character making his way into an alley across the lot. BACON Over there. Bacon motions toward where he saw the figure. They look at each other, unholster their weapons and begin walking. EXT. ALLEY - DAY Bacon and Poop make it to the mouth of the alley in time to see The Dickinator approaching a homeless man sleeping in a pile of garbage. The Dickinator aims his gun at the homeless man's dick. BACON Stop! The Dickinator notices Poop and Bacon standing at the end of the alley. He looks right into Bacon's eyes. BACON (CONT'D) Don't you shoot that man's- The Dickinator shoots the homeless man's dick off. BACON (CONT'D) Ah, Fuck! He shot his dick off! Poop and Bacon hurdle down the alley-way at top speed. The Dickinator fires a few rounds, forcing them to duck for cover, then takes off. Poop and Bacon are quickly hot on his heels. EXT. EARTH - DAY Poop and Bacon furiously pursue The Dickinator who fires rounds wildly over his shoulder. Bacon is struck in the leg. He falls. Poop stops and kneels down next to Bacon. BACON No! Leave me! Go get that motherfucker! POOP I'll come back for you. Poop stands and hesitantly begins chasing after The Dickinator once more. Bacon retrieves his radio from his jacket and tries to radio for back-up. BACON This is officer Bacon, I need back up at- A gunshot is heard from the distance. Bacon looks up in horror. BACON (CONT'D) Poop... Bacon throws his radio away and fights through the pain of his bullet wound to stand. He begins limping toward the sound of the gunshot. EXT. COURTYARD - DAY Bacon rounds a corner entering the courtyard. Buildings on all sides, criss-crossed with paths and walk-ways. Bacon's eyes fix to something, filling with horror. He sees Poop. On the ground. Shot in the dick. Poop writhes in pain. Bacon drops to he knees and screams to the heavens. BACON FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Bacon punches the ground. BACON (CONT'D) You shot Poop's dick off! POOP He shot my dick off, bro. BACON Shit! POOP You think you could, like, put it back together? THE DICKINATOR Detective. Bacon looks up and sees standing across the courtyard from him, The Dickinator. THE DICKINATOR (CONT'D) I believe you've been looking for me. Bacon stands up. He walks around Poop and squares off with The Dickinator. BACON I've been waiting for this moment. Your days of terrorizing dicks are over! THE DICKINATOR That may be, but not before I've terrorized your dick. BACON Hey, fuck you, guy! THE DICKINATOR I'm about to make you wish your dick hadn't been shot off. The Dickinator slides his jacket back, revealing his gun holstered at his side. Bacon removes his jacket to reveal his holstered under his shoulder. They mean-mug each other for an extended period of time, then draw. Then simultaneously shoot each others dicks off. They both fall to the ground, clutching their groins. They hit the floor across from one and other and bleed to death.